Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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