I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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