STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
