I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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