She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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