I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
