Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
