She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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