so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
