So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
