And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
