now i know why i became what i already was.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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