WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
