Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
