found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
