put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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