I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
