it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize