She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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