i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
