he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize
