Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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