She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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