if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
