I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
