My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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