it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
