I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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