i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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