Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
