I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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