He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
