I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
cat food counts as protein by the way
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize