we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize