I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
