I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
thus making me awesome and them whores
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize