I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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