I think my vagina is haunted
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
