I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
