How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
