it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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