Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
