I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Randomize
