Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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