I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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