The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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