I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My penis needs a shock collar
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
