he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
