Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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