That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
