I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
