I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
