I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
