tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
