i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
