And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
