at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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