ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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