Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
