yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize