are you still at the devil's house?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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