he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
