I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
These tits shall not be calmed
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