In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
