you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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