if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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