eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
